Long-term HIV survivors dealing with health issues and the loss of loved ones can often feel lonely and isolated. That is why Durell Knights facilitates the Barbershop for GMHC’s male and transmasculine clients over 50 living with HIV – one of the agency’s oldest and most popular support groups.
“Men don’t always have a place they can go to and let their hair down to talk and get things off their chest. That’s what we provide at the Barbershop,” Knights said. “We are told you can’t cry or show weakness. You can do whatever you want at the Barbershop – laugh, cry, disclose things that you can’t to anybody else.”
The group’s name is a riff on neighborhood barbershops, like the one that Knights’ best friend runs a block from where he lives. “In barbershops, men have conversations – interesting conversations – where we talk about sex, health, politics, relationships,” he said. “A man can walk into a barbershop looking like hell’s half acre. When he walks out with a fresh haircut, he looks a lot better – and he feels better.”
The same goes for GMHC’s Barbershop, which meets every Tuesday from 1:30 to 3 p.m. through the Terry Brenneis and David Boger Hub for Long-Term Survivors. “It’s a place where you can connect with like-minded peers. You don’t get a haircut, but you will feel better about yourself when you come out,” said Knights, who has been facilitating the group for 21 years.
Men don’t always have a place they can go to and let their hair down to talk and get things off their chest. That’s what we provide at the Barbershop.
Knights, a gay Black man, epitomizes the compassionate, culturally competent care that GMHC provides. He first came to the agency as a client in 1998 to attend Soul Food, an earlier support group for gay men of color, saying he wanted support staying HIV negative after completing a drug program for heroin and crack. That led to volunteering, then joining GMHC as a group facilitator in 2004.
“The Barbershop has always been my baby,” Knights said. “The door was held open for me to walk through and I want to hold the doors open for others.”
The Barbershop attracted 27 participants on a recent Tuesday, Knights said, adding that many build their afternoon around it. After seeing their counselor or receiving other services, they have lunch, then head to the group meeting on the fourth floor.
For many long-term HIV survivors, a welcoming community space like this can literally save lives, he said. “People are living a lot longer, so HIV is not the only thing they’re dealing with. They are also feeling isolation and loss.” The Barbershop is where they can reconnect.
Loss and new lifelines
A lot of Barbershop discussions are about people’s mental and physical health, like how a doctor visit went, Knights said. To promote sexual health and wellbeing, Knights often invites discussion leaders, such as a ViiV Healthcare representative, who recently came by to present on HIV in the Black community. He also makes sure to have a bowl of condoms and sexual health information at every meeting. “Sex can be fun, creative, and healthy at any age – and we want people to stay safe,” he said.
At a recent meeting, one participant sought support around multiple health issues, while another shared about potentially losing a partner, who’d gotten ill and gone to the hospital – with no further information. “As a long-term HIV survivor, he felt like his partner had died. It was the same experience he’d had in the 80s and 90s, when people with AIDS disappeared. Crack also did a number on people also,” Knights explained.
“When Covid-19 came, a lot of our participants felt like they were facing the 80s all over again, when HIV and AIDS hit New York City,” he added. “They were losing loved ones, people were disappearing, and there were no answers. Another mysterious disease was taking people out.”
To combat isolation, Knights periodically organizes events to get people out and about. A Saturday outing at Dallas BBQ Restaurant in Chelsea, near GMHC’s offices, attracted over 25 people from the community to have lunch and socialize. “On a Saturday afternoon, I don’t want you in the house cleaning and watching grandkids,” Knights said. “For two hours, people were having fun and connecting with their peers.”
He was delighted by the appearance of one 86-year-old gentleman who’d been absent from GMHC for a while. “I’d been calling him, but not getting an answer,” Knights said. “And there he was, coming down the steps with his walker. That was the highlight of my day – sometimes, I get a little emotional – seeing that my old man made it.”
Like any good barbershop, the group also facilitates networking, Knights said. One new GMHC client who recently moved to New York was invited to the Barbershop by someone he met in the dining room. He just held a housewarming party for his new apartment and invited a few friends from the group. “That wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t started accessing services at GMHC – and stayed on his game and doing what he needs to do,” Knights said.
“I like it when someone says it’s their first time at the Barbershop – and they will be back. That makes me feel good,” he said. While some of the group’s members are new, others have been in the group for years. No matter their tenure, the Barbershop is a lifeline for staying connected and feeling better.
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