| Allen Salod
|
Born: Santa Monica,
California
Current residence: Midtown Manhattan
Client: Since 1988
"At GMHC... I wasn't categorized as a thirty-something gay
white male with HIV. I was just a man who had a chronic illness.
" |
Why did you come to GMHC?
I found I needed support — at the time, I think it was legal.
GMHC was the obvious choice. I wanted to be in an environment where
I wasn't questioned about my sexuality. It was very different in
1988. AIDS was still the 'gay plague.' And sometimes services were
difficult to find, and there was a lot of prejudice. At GMHC, I
didn't feel any of that pressure to explain myself. I wasn't categorized
as a thirty-something gay white male with HIV. I was just a man
who had a chronic illness.
How has your life changed since you were diagnosed with
HIV?
I was diagnosed in 1986. I think I used to be, like a lot of people,
fearless in the way I approached my life and my career objectives.
And after my diagnosis, I wasn't quite as fearless anymore. I was
in the performing arts, but the pursuit of that became less important
to me. Instead, I focused on living a healthy life. I had a lot
of people tell me I was dying. The psychological effect of that
is that you sort of give up on everything — you're kind of
waiting for this sword of Damocles to come crashing down and end
your life. And it wasn't until the advent of protease inhibitors
that things started getting better. I happen to be categorized as
a long-term survivor. I have been very sick. They have told me I
was doomed many times and yet, I'm still here.
Are there any specific instances in which GMHC has been
able to help you?
There is a lawyer here who has just been so generous to me and
helped me through some really difficult times, and he does it out
of the goodness of his heart. I think it's a really important aspect
of the organization, because as you're dealing with the disease,
you also have to realize that you're living in a world of law. What
happens to you, and how you're treated, and what happens in a worst
case scenario, and whether you plan for it, and how things play
out when you are unable to tell people what you want — that
all requires input from someone who is familiar with the legal side
of life. I need a will, I need a power of attorney, I need a medical
proxy — these are things that we all have to think about at
some point or another whether you have HIV or not.
The last time I was in the hospital, I had renal failure. They
didn't know what from, they just knew that I had acute renal failure
and it looked like I was going to die. So the social worker came
to me and said, 'Do you have a power of attorney in case you lapse
into a coma? Do you have a will? Have you taken care of burial?'
And I didn't have any of those things done. So I made it my mission
to see to it that that was done.
There's also a social aspect to GMHC, and that's in the Meals
Program and in the Theater
Desk. When I'm in the area, and it is lunch time, I know I can
come here and get fed. The Theatre Desk is very helpful because,
being in the arts, I know the value of keeping performance in my
life, and being able to see artistic things that take me out of
myself and give me a chance not to think about the more mundane
aspects of my existence.
What do you do with your spare time?
I write; I'm working on a play. I walk, read, go to the theater,
and watch TV. I'm going back to school in the fall to finish my
B.A. AIDS has not been the defining thing in my life, ever. It's
only been a part of my life. As long as I can get up in the morning
— or in the afternoon — and get something accomplished,
then I feel it's been a good day. There was a time when it seemed
like I was in and out of the hospital every other month. When you
have to go into the hospital, your whole life turns upside down.
There's no continuity anymore. It's like you have to start all over
again. And when it happens in succession, you really feel like you
don't have a life. And you're just waiting for the phone to ring,
with your doctor saying, 'well, we found something else, you're
going to have to go back in the hospital.' It's very difficult.
What else would you like to share with others?
I have been dealing with this for a long time. I've seen the evolution
of medications and the change of attitudes over the past twenty
years. I think part of what GMHC can bring to the general population
are the ideas that AIDS is not a crime and it's not a disease of
victims. It's out there and you need to protect yourself.
June 11, 2003
© 2003 Gay Men's Health Crisis
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