Noemi Nagy
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Born: Hungary
Currently resides: Woodside, Queens
Client: since 1996
"Continuously learning and empowering myself
gives me the strength to go on another day." |
Why did you come to GMHC?
When I first came here, I was just learning about the virus. I
had a lot of external issues going on — legal/immigration issues,
housing issues, case management issues — and I wanted to go
somewhere where I wasn't going to be judged or looked at differently
because of my health status. I had my own issues with my health,
so the last thing I needed was to go somewhere where people were
going to look at me like I was a germ. GMHC was a really supportive
environment where I always felt welcome.
What services have you used here?
I've used various services. I started out with the support groups,
because I needed to understand about the virus and meet other people
that were living with the virus. And that gave me a really strong
foundation. Each week I came, I formed a bond with the women in
the group and the facilitator. Through that I learned about the
different programs GMHC had, from Case Management to the Child Life
program to Legal to the more recreational programs.
How has GMHC been able to help you?
When I was first diagnosed, the only thing I knew about HIV was
that I was going to die. I had no clue what a T-cell was. When I
came through the doors of GMHC and attended the support groups,
I met women who had been living with the virus for ten, fifteen
years, and were literally living. The biggest tool that I got out
of the support groups is that I learned how to live with HIV. I
realized that it's not a death sentence, only a new way of life.
GMHC also helped me with an immigration battle. I was facing deportation,
and the legal department here helped me to appeal the case. I didn't
have a lot of time and there was a lot of desperation on my part.
But GMHC really stepped in and really worked hard on that case;
the whole legal team worked with me and to this day I keep in very
close contact with them. That whole experience made me stronger.
And the fact that I had so many great people — some that didn't
even know me — take a special interest and really help me just
made everything that much better.
What kind of work do you do?
I work as the outreach coordinator for Ryan White Title IV [at
Elmhurst Hospital Center], which provides HIV/AIDS services for
women and families. I am the liaison between staff and clients.
My job is to continuously interact with the clients and engage them
to take part in the different programs and workshops that we offer.
What has it been like to do advocacy work?
When I was initially diagnosed and did not know anything about
the virus, I had wonderful people who came into my life and mentored
me. I wanted to be able to know what it was to live with this virus.
I wasn't ready to die; I had four kids. A lot of the people that
I first met were strong advocates. And it gave them a reason to
go on. And it's a role that I took on because I wanted to have the
same motivation. Through advocacy, you not only get the great satisfaction
of being able to make a difference, but you also have a reason to
go on. Continuously learning and empowering myself gives me the
strength to go on another day. It's not about what the doctor says,
it's not about being a victim, it's really just about taking control
of your life and living with this disease.
What have been some of your biggest challenges as a parent?
Parenting itself is difficult. When you give birth, you don't get
a manual. Having four kids with four different personalities can
be a struggle. I think my biggest challenge as a parent is that
one of my kids is positive. And it's something that I had to learn
to deal with. There was a lot of personal guilt — how could
I do this? I had to really get myself out of that mode, and not
only educate myself on women's issues and adult issues, but educate
myself about pediatric issues. My son can't advocate for himself.
I wanted to be able to make sure that I could do everything in my
power to give him the quality of life that he deserves. And I knew
from my own personal experience that the only way I was going to
be able to do that was through education. I have seen that when
it comes to this virus, children are always the last ones —
when it comes to clinical trials, when it comes to benefits, when
it comes to everything. Pediatric issues have really become my passion.
I also had to learn to balance myself out and make sure that my
other three children get my attention and the affection that they
need. My kids are now all at an age where they know about my diagnosis.
And each one of them surprised me in their own way. There was a
lot of fear on my part; I knew how I felt when I was first diagnosed,
and I didn't want them to be afraid that mommy was going to die.
And one of the things that I have learned is that the way you project
something to a child is the way they're going to perceive it. So
when it was time to disclose to my children, I did it more on an
educational level. I let them know the facts about HIV, and that
with medication and proper care, Mommy's not going anywhere. Jonathan's
not going anywhere. That whole "secret" is no longer there, and
there was also a lot of pressure alleviated through the disclosure
process.
Is there anything else you would like readers to know?
I think the most important message is that HIV is not a death sentence.
It's really just another way of life. And when I say new way of
life, I mean that in a positive sense. You're not a victim; you
have a chronic illness, but you learn to deal with it and you go
on.
June 23, 2003
© 2003 Gay Men's Health Crisis
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