Bernadette Gladden
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Born: Bronx, New York
Currently resides: Bronx, New York
Client: Five years
"GMHC gives you the opportunity to get into certain
things and go places and that makes me feel better about myself
because I have proved that I'm not a loser. I'm
a winner." |
What was your situation like when you came to GMHC?
A friend brought me to GMHC because they wanted me to know that it is not only for
males, but for females also. Therefore I found out about Child Life, and I got into the
Child Life program, and I've been here ever since.
What do you like about the services here?
I had been other places for services, but there's no comparison to the services I got here.
That's why I'm still here. The other places I'd been to don’t have the kinds of things for
children, and for mothers, that they have here. Because here we have access to a lot of
things that we wouldn't have access to out on the street, because we can't afford it. At
GMHC I can go the chiropractor; get massages; get theater tickets; and we have all
different groups for stress, and dealing with loss, dealing with wellness, and dealing with
drugs, whether you've used them or haven't ever used them. Mostly all of the groups
deal with the virus, but we deal with other things outside of the virus that parents also
definitely, definitely need: nutrition, nutrition for children, nutrition for ourselves, and the
importance of seeing a doctor and taking care of ourselves. It's an atmosphere of relaxed
freedom here; you can come, and you can go, there's a library on the eleventh floor, and
you can sit down, relax in there and read a book. In other places, you can't do that.
When were you diagnosed?
1994.
What was it like to tell your loved ones about your diagnosis?
I knew that when anything happens, the first person you let know is your partner. It was
the hardest thing to do. I told my partner, and my partner sat and looked at me like I was
crazy, and said, 'There's nothing wrong with you; they don't know what they're talking
about; you are fine; you're not sick.' When I could, I didn't know who to tell next. I told
some of my good friends, and they said, 'OK, I'm here for you, I love you, and what are
you going to do next?' And I had to tell two other people, my mother and my son. So I
called my mother, and I told my mother. She said, 'OK, how do you feel?' I said, 'I feel
fine.' And she said the same thing, 'I love you. You're my daughter, you're strong,
you'll make it through, and you have to do what you have to do.' But the worst one was
my son.
How old was your son at the time?
He was 31 or 32. He was going to take me for insurance, and I knew then that I was
going to have to put it on the table. I asked him, 'Well, what if I have something?' 'Like
what?' 'What if I have something like HIV or AIDS?' So he pulled his car over to the
side, and he said, 'Why are you asking all these questions? Do you have something you
want to say to me?' And that's when I told him. I don’t know what he went through. He
didn't say anything for about five minutes, and he wouldn't let go of the steering wheel,
and he sat looking straight. And then he turned around, and he grabbed me and he
hugged me and he kissed me. Then he said, 'Why didn’t you tell me sooner?' Rejection
is the first [thing you worry about] — after you get over the numbness. When I first found
out I was positive I don't know how I made it, worried about how this one is going to
find out, that one is going to find out, my children, that they're going to snatch them
away from me. Mostly, what I really cared about was my son.
Has GMHC helped you deal with some of your fears?
There are all different kinds of groups — healing and wellness, groups for those who have
used drugs at any time or in any fashion, and we also help those that are struggling with
the battle against rejection, fear, and stigma. Many are scared of rejection, that if a
person finds out — say you meet somebody and you like them, how do you tell them? If
they find out, will they go away? That helped me a lot. I always thought that I should be
true and be honest. I met somebody, and I told him, and he did call me the next day. He
said, 'What does a brother have to do to take you out?' I said, 'No, he's not back!' I just
knew that once I revealed my status, I wouldn't see that person anymore. And yet, I had
three beautiful years. Everybody's not the same, and you have to take their trust.
I know about HIV, safer sex, this and that. When I hear people say they don't know
anything about being sick, I start conversations. Sometimes they'll end up calling me,
and that's the beautiful thing. They say, 'I have a friend that just found out. Can you
help them?' We try to get many women to come down here, because there are a lot of
women of who still feel that GMHC is only for men. But no, it's not.
With GMHC, we also get organized and go to Albany. I have been down to 250
Broadway, and I really wouldn't have had a chance to do that before. GMHC took me up
to Albany where I met Rosie O'Donnell's brother, [New York State Senator] Daniel
O'Donnell, and he remembers me. Everybody remembers me because of how I speak; I
stand out. It's made me remember that I am a beautiful person, and I am responsible,
respectable, that GMHC would want me to present myself to these important people not
only for GMHC but for all organizations. The glow I got from meeting Daniel
O’Donnell — I couldn't wait until I saw my mother, my friends... it was awesome. Going
down and speaking at 250 Broadway — I never had that opportunity. But I was asked,
and [when I did it] they couldn't believe that I'd never done it before. I'd never
represented anyone or any organization, but it gave me a great feeling to be asked,
'you've never done this before?'
What were you there to speak about?
I think it was budget cuts; we needed money because they were cutting the HIV/AIDS
funds. It's awesome to be able to go into the different offices and meet important, big
people. You often don't get really close to representatives. GMHC gives you the
opportunity to get into certain things and go places and that makes me feel better about
myself because I have proved that I'm not a loser. I'm a winner.
What would you want someone to know about what it's like to live with the virus
and have a small child?
That life goes on. You live. We come into this world, and death does not bother us. We
come, we leave. Nobody wants to come and leave a small child, but you have to live
your life, and try to make it the best. Teach your child as much as you can, especially
about safe things, like safe sex, and make it real as you tell them, so that they'll want to
hear more. If you allow something to plague you, you will not be able to grow. Yes, we
are going to die. But you're wasting time when you have so much to keep on living for.
You're going to die and you don't know when it’s going to happen. But if you die, it's
not because of the virus, not because of AIDS or HIV; it's from complications or other
things. You might die of the hiccups. You might eat a piece of fish and the bone will get
stuck in your throat. You might slip and fall in the tub.
Do you think coming to GMHC has had an impact on your life?
Oh, yes. I meet other women, the workers, and children. My youngest son loves it here.
[The people at Child Life] let him know that he's no different because he knows that his
parent has the disease. If they do have it, they're still a loving human being. They spoil
him too much! Sometimes I want to go down there, to that little child world down there.
GMHC — I call it Club 24. I do. I'm going to the club on 24th Street. It's made me
understand that I'm going to live, that it's okay. I know that if I get here early enough I
can go and get a massage, or I can see a chiropractor, or get acupuncture. I get a whole
lot of knowledge, with my group. There are people that I introduced to GMHC, and they
still say thank you.
September 12, 2003
© 2003 Gay Men's Health Crisis
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